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 看电影学英语 随波逐流 Just Go With It

 

随波逐流 Just Go With It

 

I'm so happy you picked this dress, Veruca!

你选这件婚纱真是选对了 Veruca!

- You look beautiful.  - Doesn't she?

- 你好美啊  - 绝对的!

You guys, I'm getting married!

姐妹们 我要结婚了!

I'm getting married!

我要结婚了!

Not without your veil, you're not.

可不能少了头纱

Where is that bad boy?

这个调皮的小东西呢?

Oh, I think I left it upstairs.

我想可能落在楼上了

Don't worry. I'll get it,

别担心 我去拿

sis.

妹妹

She is so annoying.

她真讨厌

And so ugly.

还很丑

She looks like Karl Malden.

很像Karl Malden(奥斯卡男星)

I know, and she's gonna be

我知道 而且一个小时后

my sister-in-law in an hour!

她就变成我的大姑子了!

How are you gonna deal with that?

那你要怎么办?

I'm just gonna lay down the law for Danny.

我会跟Danny好好立下规矩

We're seeing his goofy family as little as possible.

以后尽量少见他那些笨蛋家人

You sure he's gonna go along with that?

你确定他会同意吗?

Danny doesn't say no to me.

Danny从来都不会拒绝我

Believe me, I have him well-trained.

我保证 会让他服服帖帖的

So, tell us, what happened with Eric last night?

那么 你昨晚和Eric怎么样了?

So, I told him if he wanted to stop the wedding,

我就告诉他 如果他想阻止这场婚礼

he had to speak now or forever hold his peace.

就得立马说 不然就永远拜拜

And what'd he say?

那他怎么说?

He said he's never gonna settle down,

他说 自己永远都不会定下来

and I should just go ahead and marry Danny.

所以 我应该去嫁给Danny

Did he give you a wedding present, huh?

他有给你结婚大礼吗 ?

- You're so horny!  - Yeah.

- 你好色啊!  - 是啊

I guess you could call it that.

算是有吧

You're so bad!

你好坏啊!

It's the last time, I swear.

那是最后一次 我发誓

Yeah, right!

是啊!

Danny is so sweet and considerate.

Danny人这么好 又这么贴心

And he's gonna be a cardiologist.

还是未来的心脏病专家

So, I'm marrying him

我当然要嫁给他

and that zucchini in the middle of his face.

和他脸上巨大的西葫芦鼻

His parents are disgusting, too!

他父母也很恶心!

Close your eyes when he's on top!

他在上面的时候 你就合上眼嘛!

And your thighs!

干脆腿也别打开!

Cuz, I'm so sorry.

我很抱歉

Yikes, that hurt.

我伤心了

That was me, Danny Maccabee, 20 years ago.

那就是我 20年前的Danny Maccabee

Pathetic, huh?

可怜吧?

So, I'm halfway done boozing away my sorrows,

不过 就在我借酒消愁之时

when something pretty interesting happened.

趣事儿就这么发生了

Oh, baby, you're like a Pop Tart,

宝贝 你就像块小烘饼

hot and sweet!

又烫又甜!

Hey, mami!

辣妹!

You must play the trumpet or something,

你肯定很会吹小号什么的吧

'cause you're making me feel all horny and stuff!

你看我都肃然立起了!

You dropped your purse.

你钱包掉了

Can I just sit for 10 seconds

可以闭上你的嘴 别对我搭讪

and not get hit on? Thank you.

让我安静地坐个10分钟吗? 万分感谢

I was just letting you know you dropped your purse.

我只是想提醒说你的钱包掉了

- I'm sorry. I thought...  - That's fine, that's fine.

 抱歉 我以为...  - 没事 没事

I'm sure you didn't meet the lady who gave you that ring

我想 给你这枚戒指的女人肯定不是

in a meat market like this.

在这种夜店碰到的吧

School cafeteria.

是在学校餐厅

How long you been married?

你结婚多久了?

I was gonna tell her, I really was.

我本想跟她说实话 真的

But I didn't want her to know what a loser I was,

可我不想让她知道我的失败

so I stretched the truth a little.

所以我扯了点小谎

Six years.

6

Where's your wife tonight?

那你老婆现在人呢?

I stopped asking that question a long time ago.

很久以前 我就不问这种问题了

That's terrible.

太可怕了

My wife says I work too much.

我老婆嫌我是个工作狂

Trying to provide for her, her shopping addiction,

可那都是为了她 因为她的肆意挥霍

and crack.

和嗑药成瘾

Why don't you just leave her?

那你干嘛不离开她?

The children.

因为孩子

All 14 of them.

总共14

I just, I like to adopt,

我很喜欢收养小孩

and I don't wanna stop doing that.

无法克制自己去做这件事

You poor guy.

可怜的人

You wanna get outta here?

要不要出去走走?

And so I discovered

于是 我发现了

the power of the wedding ring.

婚戒的力量

The symbol of my humiliation

这个羞耻记忆的象征

had become a tool to get back on the horse.

变成了我重振雄风的王牌

Are you kidding me? Snuffleupagus!

不是吧? 这个大鼻头男!

I switched my specialty from cardiology to plastic surgery,

我从心脏学转业 成为整医师

got rid of the big honker,

摆脱了我的大鼻头

and the ring became my thing.

却依然保留了戒指

I just assumed after we got married she'd stop hooking, but...

我以为结婚后 她不会再去勾搭别人 但是...

You need to put this wedding ring on a true heart.

这枚婚戒应该放到一颗真心上

This is a good moment.

真是美好时刻

Yeah. Should we go make it last,

是啊 那我们要不要去别的地方

for a while, somewhere?

延长这个美好时刻?

Okay, let's go. To your dorm.

好啊 走吧 去你宿舍

Sometimes I think about

有时候 我会想

throwing the ring into the ocean.

把戒指扔进大海里

I know how wrong it is... but I can't...

我知道这样不对... 可是我忍不住...

It's my Precious.

它是我的珍宝

Besides, being fake married

而且 已婚的幌子

is the perfect way to make sure

才能最有效地保护

I never get my heart broken again.

我这颗心不再受到伤害

Cindy

昨晚很美好!

P.S. 谢谢你没有像我妻子那样打击我

What are these?

这是什么?

Boobie bags.

水袋

The women, they stick them in their flat chesties,

女人们 把这个放到胸口

make them big.

让胸部看起来更大

These are not the boobie bags that I ordered.

这不是我订的水袋

What is that?

这算什么?

It's like a syrup dispenser at an IHOP.

烤饼店的糖浆罐子么

I don't know what that is.

我都不知道 这到底算什么

Come on. These, they don't feel like these.

拜托 这个 跟这个手感完全不同啊

No... Seriously?

不行... 你还真想?

I just trying to learn.

我只是想学习一下

Listen, Dr. Maccabee would never accept subpar boobs.

听着 Maccabee医生不接受次品

Would you please just get me what I ordered

所以拜托你把我订的那种送过来

and tell Omar that I would like a discount for the inconvenience?

还有告诉Omar 出了这种麻烦事 他要给我打折

- Yes, ma'am.  - Thank you, Simon.

 好的 女士  - 谢谢了 Simon

- My 4:00 here?  - Yeah.

 4点有预约?  -

Room one, Kirsten Brant. Don't laugh.

1号房 Kirsten Brant 记得不许笑

Well, I, uh... I had bad plastic surgery.

... 我整形手术失败了

Should've known this doctor was a quack.

早该发现那人是个庸医了

His office was in, like, a warehouse.

他办公室就在一个 跟仓库一样的地方

I see, I see.

我明白 我明白

Questions?

还有问题吗?

No, no. Just, please help me, Doctor.

没了 就请你帮帮我 医生

Absolutely. It's usually easier

当然当然 通常来说 这种手术

to do these things right the first time, but...

第一次做成功率会高些 但是...

What? You seem dubious.

怎么了? 你看起来似乎有疑问

Hmm?

?

Oh, no, not at all.

没什么

I mean, I hear you're the best, Dr. Maccabee.

我是说 我听说您是最棒的 Maccabee医生

I don't know about that,

我都不知道有这种说法

but I think we can figure something out here.

不过我想 我们可以解决好这件事

Relax, relax.

放松 放松

- That's relaxed?  - Hmm.

 这样是放松了的?  -

Here, let me just pull it down for a sec.

这边 如果我拉下来一会儿

And I let go. Okay, shoots right back up there.

然后松手 好的 马上就弹回去了

- I'm sorry.  - Oh. Sorry about what?

 对不起  - 对不起什么?

Oh, my God! it's just...

天啊! 实在是...

That just really went right up there.

它刚刚跑到很上面去了

That was high. You gotta watch that.

真的很高 你应该也看看

It's gonna get caught in your hair.

都快伸进头发里了

I don't know, maybe I should just keep it like this.

我都不知道 或许我应该留着它

It seems to make other people happy.

似乎很能逗其他人开心呢

No. But, seriously, are you available for my kid's birthday party?

不是 不过 说真的 你可以来我家小孩的生日晚会吗?

- That's too much.  - I'm sorry!

- 太过了  - 抱歉!

Let me give you a hug.

让我来跟你抱一个

That's what you need first. We'll fix this.

这是第一步 我们会治好它的

Mmm.

Oh, God! Okay, I gotta...

天啊! 好了 我要...

I'm gonna excuse myself. I'm sorry.

我先出去一下 抱歉

Ding-dong!

叮咚!

- Eddie's here.  - Hey. My cousin.

 Eddie来了  - 这是我表哥

Oh.

Oh, my gosh.

天啊

Brows gone wild over here.

这个眉毛也太创意了

I'm actually digging it.

事实上 我还挺中意它的

And what are you doing later?

你等下要去干嘛?

- Oh, sorry, I'm kind of seeing anybody else.  - There you go.

  抱歉 我等下有约了  - 行了

Oh, browch.

我桑心了

My gosh.

天啊

Look, I don't know who you're seeing,

好吧 我不知道你要去见谁

but whoever they are,

但不管是谁

they don't have what this guy's got down there, you know what I mean?

都不会比我下面强大 你懂吧?

All right, Eddie.

好了 Eddie

Yeah, it's a very good one. I should know, I installed it.

我证明他那儿是挺棒的 毕竟是我亲手装的

Oh, you had a penile enlargement?

你做了阴茎增大手术?

Yes.

People really do that? That is hilarious!

真有人做这种啊? 太搞笑了

See you on the 28th, Dr. Maccabee!

28号再见 Maccabee医生!

Dude, why are you telling everybody about my surgery?

兄弟 你干嘛见人就说我的手术?

Am I hiding the secrets around here?

难道要我藏着掖着吗?

You don't think Katherine knows about this?

你不知道Katherine也知道这事?

Katherine was in the room when I did that.

我手术的时候 Katherine就在现场

She held the magnifying glass.

她一直拿着放大镜的

I did. And the tweezer.

还有镊子

Real nice.

好极了

Did you get a chance to try it out yet?

你试过它没有?

Uh, yeah. I've banged it up.

当然 已经试过了

It's got a couple dents. I'm not gonna lie.

搞过不少次数了 不是吹牛

Yeah. You did?

真的?

Not from a human.

不是和人

It's got... from this doll I made.

是和... 我做的娃娃

Oh.

Hey, Adon. Yo, yo.

Adon 好啊

Danny! I am so happy you could be here!

Danny! 你能来我太高兴了!

 How are You, baby?  - Did You bring any Botox?

 最近怎样 宝贝?  - 你有带肉毒杆菌来吗?

I didn't bring the Botox. I brought my cousin, Eddie.

我没带肉毒杆菌 倒是带了我表哥Eddie

Nice to meet you, Eddie.

很高兴见到你 Eddie

Is this a Halloween party?

这是万圣节派对吗?

Are you kidding me right now?

别乱开玩笑 当然不是

You got a little more work done, huh?

你又在脸上搞了点小动作吧 ?

Yeah, just a little bit, just tweaking, tweaking.

只有一点点 小调整 小调整

Maintenance, maintenance.

稍稍保养了下

I just wanna stay in the game, Danny.

我只是不愿早早下场 Danny

I don't wanna hit home runs, just some singles. That's all.

不奢望全垒打 有几场单打就行

You gotta stop, though, I'm telling you.

可我还是要跟你说 停手吧

Do you have any feeling in your face?

你脸现在还有什么感觉吗?

Just in this one spot right here.

就这边一点还行

And then from the eyebrows down, dead, dead.

眉毛以下 完全无感 没感觉

Is that a car alarm?

这是车子警报声吗?

- He's laughing, he's laughing.  - Oh, okay.

 他的笑声 他在笑  - 好吧

I wanted to go to your cousin Danny here,

我本来打算找你表哥Danny帮忙

but he refused to do any work.

但是他拒绝了

He didn't wanna put his fingers in the pie. Ooh!

不愿意接我这笔生意 !

It was getting dangerous. This amount...

他的要求太高风险了 那种程度...

You gotta slow it down.

你要慢慢来

Okay, see? That shouldn't be happening right now.

好了 看到了吧? 本来不该会这样的

Adon! Adon, Adon, Adon!

Adon 你人呢! Adon, Adon, Adon!

Ariel out open his knee. It looks awful.

Ariel的膝盖破口了 好可怕啊

What happened? Settle, settle.

怎么了? 冷静 冷静

What do you expect me to do about it?

这事你想让我干什么?

- It's bleeding.  - You know what? I could stitch him up.

 流血了啊  - 是吗? 也许我可以帮他缝两针

- Why don't you go get me my bag?  - All right.

 你去帮我拿包来吧?  - 好的

So, you fell down the stairs, huh?

你是从楼梯上摔下来的 ?

Yeah.

Mmm-hmm.

Did you trip over something?

你是被什么绊倒了吗?

Was there a skateboard there, or...

滑板 还是...

No, I was distracted by something.

不是 我因为别的 分心了

What distracted you?

什么呢?

A girl.

一个女生

A girl, okay. Was it your mother?

一个女生 好吧 是你妈妈吗?

No!

不是!

'Cause she just looks good.

不过她很漂亮

That's your stepmom. I can talk like that.

她应该是你继母吧 我知道的

All right. This is lidocaine. Don't think about it.

好的 这是局部麻醉剂 别想着它

Don't think about it. Think about your face.

别想着它 想想你的脸

Good, good.

好的

Blonde, brunette, redhead?

金发 黑发 还是红发?

Blonde, tan, tall, rocking body.

金发 小麦色 高挑 性感身姿

Nipples.

咪咪也赞

Want me to numb something else for you?

要我再麻醉下你别的什么部位吗?

You're getting a little nutty over there.

你似乎头脑不太清醒了

No! No, I'm good. I'm good.

! 不用 我挺好 挺好的

I'm alive! I'm alive, everybody!

我还活着! 我还活着 大伙!

Good job, Doctor. That was really nice.

干得好 医生 真的挺棒的

The distraction, I'm guessing.

我猜 让他分心的就是你

The What?

什么?

The boy was distracted. That's why he fell.

那个男孩因为分心才会摔下来

So, I'm taking the rap for this.

那么说来我倒是罪魁祸首了

Yes. Your hotness basically pushed him down the stairs.

基本上是你的火辣直接导致他摔下楼梯

Good luck proving that in court, Wisengruber.

希望你的庭上证词不会被驳回了  Wisengruber

Wisengruber? Is that what they're saying

Wisengruber? 这是现在

on the Gossip Girl nowadays?

绯闻少女上常说的吗?

I knew you two would eventually find each other!

我就知道 你们俩最终一定会找到对方!

But be careful, Palmer, these plastic surgeons,

但是小心了 Palmer 整形外科医生

they really know how to operate.

手法灵活着呢

Yeah, all right, Adon. All right.

好了 Adon 好了

I just don't know about plastic surgery.

我还真不太懂整形手术

I mean, doesn't it always look so fake?

我是说 那一般不都会看着很假吗?

Depends who's doing it. I'm pretty good at it. I'm telling you.

那得看是谁做的了 不过我的技术真的不赖

 Some of My patients are here tonight.  - Oh, really?

 今晚在场的就有几位是我的病人  - 真的吗?

Really, really. Look around,

真的 真的 随意瞧瞧

see if you can find someone decent-looking.

看你能不能找出来那些看上去不错的

How 'bout her?

是不是她?

The lady from Saw?

那个电锯惊魂夜?

Fine. Who did you do?

好吧 谁是你做的?

All right. I hate to rat the guy out,

好吧 我其实很讨厌爆客人的料

but see that guy over there?

不过算了 你看到那边那位了吗?

You mean Sexy Ass?

你是说臀部很性感的那个?

Before I met him, he was No Buns Bobby.

我遇上他之前 他还是个没屁股的家伙

Really?

真的吗?

 His back went straight to His legs.  - No kidding.

 背垂直连着大腿  - 真的假的

He'd go to the bathroom,

他上厕所的时候

he'd slide right in the toilet.

都能直接掉进座便器里

I know, I know, that's really romantic, isn't it?

是吧 听起来很不可思议 对吧?

So, North Carolina, how long have you lived here in LA?

北卡罗来纳 那你来洛杉矶住多久了?

I've been here almost two years.

我来这儿快2年了

Uh-huh. That's a lot of auditioning for you.

你应该试镜过很多次了吧

You think I'm an actress?

你以为我是演员?

I guarantee you're an actress.

我认定你是个演员

Well, guess again, Doc. I teach sixth grade math.

好吧 重来一次 医生 我教6年级的数学

So what's wrong? They got no schools in North Carolina to teach at?

发生什么事了? 北卡罗来纳没有学校让你上课了?

My parents divorced.

我父母离婚了

Had a pretty nasty one, actually,

在我8年级的时候

 when I was in the eighth grade.  - Mmm-hmm.

 当时闹得确实很难堪  -

And... I don't know. I got tired of picking sides, so...

然后... 我不知道 只是厌倦了选边站 所以...

Okay. I thought I'd make a change and, yeah, move out to LA.

我想改变点什么 然后就 来了洛杉矶

You came to the right place. No one gets divorced in LA.

那你来对了地方 洛杉矶的夫妻从不离婚

Mmm... hmm.

...

I've never hung out with a girl your age. This is nice.

我从没和你这年纪的女孩约会过 感觉真不错

Oh, no. Your first lie to me.

你开始撒谎了

You're good. All right.

被你看透了 好吧

I've never hung out with a girl your age and

我从没和你这年纪的女孩

connected the way we are right now.

如此心意相通

Actually, I've never connected with,

事实上 我从没和

I don't think any girl at any age.

任何年纪的任何女孩心意相通过

See? I can tell when you're lying

? 我可以分辨你说的是假话

- and when you're telling the truth.  - Oh.

 还是真话  -

Yeah. The second thing I said was the truth.

没错 第二次说的是真的

I know.

我知道

Oh, my God. That was the greatest night of my life.

我的天 这是我人生中最棒的夜晚

Yeah. This feels like it could be...

没错 感觉就像...

I don't know, a real thing.

我不知道 我们之间真的有那么回事

It's a thing all right, Palmer.

我也这么觉得 Palmer

Well, I have to get to work,

我该工作了

but how 'bout I take your number

不然这样

and then you can take me out on a proper date next time?

给我你的号码 我们下次再约?

I got a business card in my pocket if you wanna get that.

你想要的话 我口袋里正好有张名片

You better call.

你记得给我电话

You better not just, just leave me hanging.

别让我苦等

I'd get it for you myself,

我该亲手给你的

but I don't want you to see me naked in the daylight.

可我不想大白天就赤果果地见你

It could be a deal breaker.

否则下次约会就泡汤了

What's this?

这是什么?

A circle?

一个圆环?

A wedding ring? You're married?

是婚戒? 你结婚了?

No, no, no, I'm not, I'm not married.

不不不 我没有 我没有结婚

That is a... That is... That's not mine.

那个... ... 那不是我的

Whose wedding ring is in your pants, Danny?

谁的婚戒会放在你的裤子里 Danny?

All right, listen, just give me a minute to explain this.

好吧 听着 给我一分钟让我解释

Please.

随意

It's gonna take more than a minute.

可能一分钟解释不完

I am such an idiot!

我真是太傻了!

No, no, no, no, no.

不不不

Don't call me!

别给我打电话!

No, Palmer!

Palmer!

I told you that this whole fake marriage thing

我早说过你已婚的幌子

was just gonna come and bite you in the ass.

迟早要出乱子

Why don't you just tell her the truth?

你为什么不告诉她真相?

You think I can tell her the truth?

你觉得我直说会好些?

Let me practice. You be her right now.

让我练习一下 假如你现在是她

Oh, good. Okay, hold on.

好吧 等一下

Okay. She's not like that, but anyways.

好吧 她没这样 不过没关系

Um, I wear this fake wedding ring sometimes...

我有时会戴这个假婚戒...

You're a pig.

你这个禽兽

Sorry. You're a pig.

抱歉 但你确实很禽兽

What's wrong? You're walking really weird.

怎么了? 你走路的样子很不自然

My back. I slept on the beach last night.

我的背很痛 我昨晚在沙滩睡了一晚

God Almighty.

上帝啊

When are you gonna strengthen your spine?

你准备何时开始强化你的脊椎?

Seriously, Flomax.

说真的 用点Flomax

You gotta work out more than once a month.

你应该至少每月锻炼一次

I can't, I don't have time to work out.

我不能 我没时间锻炼

You do. You can't say that, Danny.

你有的 别找借口 Danny

My mother always said Cary Grant never went to the gym.

我妈妈常说Cary Grant从不去健身房

Only took the stairs, every day, never an elevator.

只靠每天走楼梯 从不坐电梯

- You wanna hear my impression of Cary Grant's butler?  - Nuh... uh.

 想不想听我对Cary Grant管家的印象?  - ...

 Watch.  - What?

 看着  - 看什么?

Hello? No, he's dead.

? 他死了

Okay, bye-bye.

好的 再见

That's good. That's funny.

很好 很有趣

Mom, give me some money.

妈妈 给我点钱

Hi. How are you?

你们好

Nice to see you, kids.

很高兴见到你们 孩子们

Please be polite and say hello to Dr. Maccabee.

快向Maccabee医生问好

'Ello, Dr. Danny.

你好 Danny医生

'Ow is you today?

你今天觉得怎么样?

Is that my associate, Dr. Doolittle?

你是在模仿我的助手 Doolittle医生吗?

Why is she talking like that?

她为什么这样说话?

She's been working on some accents.

她最近在学口音

I am takin' an acting class this summer, I is.

我这个夏天在学表演课

Gonna be the next Miley Cyrus, I am.

我将是下一个Miley Cyrus("汉娜孟塔娜"女主角)

How 'bout you, young man? Do you like Hannah Montana?

你怎么样 年轻人? 你也喜欢"汉娜孟塔娜"?

No. I like Californication.

我喜欢"加州靡情"

When do you ever watch Californication?

你什么时候看的"加州靡情"?

Rosa lets us watch Showtime when she calls her boyfriend.

Rosa一给她男朋友打电话就让我们看电视

Eat the mushroom! Eat the mushroom! Yes!

快吃蘑菇! 快吃蘑菇! !

Mmm. You run a tight ship at home, huh?

你家管得还真严

Dr. Danny?

Danny医生?

Yeah?

怎么了?

Will you take me to Hawaii so I can swim with the dolphins?

你能带我去夏威夷和海豚游泳吗?

Take you to Hawaii? No.

带你去夏威夷?

I saw a show on the Discovery Channel.

我在探索频道看到一个节目

They say in Hawaii they have dolphins

他们说在夏威夷有海豚

that you can swim with if you pay money.

如果你付钱就可以和他们游泳

Okay.

好的

But I don't have any money. And my mom says you're rich.

但我没钱 我妈妈说你很有钱

- Michael!  - No, it's fine.

- Michael!  - 没关系

Maybe you should make your own money.

也许你应该自己赚钱

Maybe a paper route or something like that?

比如送送报纸什么的?

'Cause rich people don't give other people trips.

即使是有钱人也不会请别人旅行

That's why they remain rich. You understand?

所以他们才会有钱 你懂吗?

But my mom says you do charity for kids all the time.

但我妈说你经常为孩子做慈善

I do charity work like I fix a cleft lip or a child's deformity.

我做的慈善都是校正唇裂或畸形手术之类的

I don't take them to Hawaii. I could get arrested for that.

我不会带他们去夏威夷 那可算是拐带儿童

What if I was deformed? Then would you take me to Hawaii?

那如果我是畸形儿呢? 你会带我去夏威夷吗?

If you were deformed, I'd bring you to Hawaii,

如果你是畸形儿 我会带你去夏威夷的

but I'd leave you there, 'cause I wouldn't want to look at you.

然后把你扔在那里 因为我会不敢看你

Okay. Here's the money, and I want change.

好啦 这是你们要的钱 记得把找零还给我

And I wanna hear back

别乱花

that you actually ate the food that I am paying for.

一定要用来好好吃饭

Mom, before we go, can I make a Devlin?

妈妈 我可以拉个Devlin再走吗?

Sure. Down the hall. Will you please go with him?

当然 大厅那头 你可以和他一起去吗?

We open in five minutes and I am not having him sit there forever.

我们五分钟后就要上班了 没时间照应他

Bloody hell right, I will, Mumsy!

遵命 妈咪!

All right, Winston Churchill.

好吧 丘吉尔长官

He said, "I gotta make a Devlin."

他说 "我要拉个Devlin"

 What does That mean?  - Uh...

 这是什么意思呢?  - ...

It's just a friend of mine who was in my sorority in college

是我在大学姐妹会的一个朋友

named Devlin Adams, and...

她叫Devlin Adams ...

Well, I wouldn't say friend. I'd say more my nemesis.

好吧 比起朋友 她更像是我的对手

 Oh, so she was a frenemy?  - Yes.

 所以说她是你的死对头?  - 没错

You'd probably like her. She's really, really fake.

估计你会很感兴趣 她真的 很虚伪

Ah.

这样啊

Always had to have the coolest clothes

她总是穿最潮流的衣服

and the hottest boys and, you know...

有最帅的男朋友 你知道...

 she bothers you.  - a lot.

 她让你不爽  - 非常不爽

So, one night, I was just having a glass of wine.

所以 一天晚上 我正在喝一杯酒

 a bottle.  - a bottle.

 一瓶  - 好吧 一瓶

And, uh...

然后 ...

And I just got so tired of the kids saying things like,

我实在讨厌听到孩子们说

l gotta take a crap.

我要拉屎

l gotta take a dump.

我要大号的字眼

So, I told them that it was called "making a Devlin,"

所以我让他们改口说"Devlin"

and they liked it.

他们也很喜欢

And it stuck.

就一直用到现在

I always call it making a black pickle.

我都是叫拉黑泡菜

- Making a what?  - I don't say that.

 拉什么?  - 我不想说

 Out loud?   - to others. No.

 因为在外面?  - 不对旁人说

What are we gonna do about my love life, though?

话说回来 你觉得我该如何挽回我的恋情?

Oh, Danny, I would feel terrible for you if I had any,

Danny 如果我玩弄23岁少女心

even the slightest, investment in you

有你一半成功的话

successfully banging 23-year-olds.

我会同情你的遭遇

Holy Devlin, you're not listening to me.

Devlin 你没在听懂

This is like not some bull-Devlin fling.

这不是像用Devlin取名那样胡搞

I mean, I'm serious.

我是很认真的

This is the real Devlin. I could...

这次是来真的 我可以...

I swear to God, I could see myself ending up with this girl.

我向上帝保证 这个女孩将会是我的终身伴侣

Oh.

You're right. You can't tell her the truth.

你说得对 你不能告诉她真相

High score!

高分!

Oh, God. Sorry.

上帝 抱歉

I'm glad someone's doing good.

出现赢家 我也由衷高兴

You know what? You don't wanna get serious,

你要想清楚 不要太过认真

'cause when you get serious, that leads to marriage,

一旦认真了 婚姻就随之而来

and then marriage leads to divorce, and divorce is just...

离婚也就不远了 而离婚...

I mean, look at these poor kids.

我的意思是 看看这些可怜的孩子们

You know, their dad was supposed to pick them up today.

今天他们本该归爸爸带

 He was a No-show?  - Again.

 他又放鸽子?  - 别提了

But you know what?

但你知道吗?

At least I got my head together and I divorced him.

幸好我清醒过来和他离了婚

Yeah, yeah.

没错 没错

Wait a minute.

等一下

You go ahead without me.

你先走

Oh, no, no, no.

不不不

Palmer, Palmer, Palmer, Palmer, Palmer.

Palmer Palmer Palmer

I told you I didn't want to see you.

我说过不想再见到你

I just want to explain something to you.

我只是想把事情解释清楚

Let me explain something to you.

让我来说清楚吧

I do not date married men.

我不和已婚男人约会

My father cheated on my mom when I was young.

在我小时候我爸爸就在外面搞小三

I am not going to be the other woman!

我绝对不会做小三!

Adulterer! Fornicator!

奸夫! 劈腿男!

All right, take it easy, Damien, all right?

好吧 放松点 Damien 好吗?

Okay, his name is Silas, leave him out of this.

好吧 他叫Silas 别把他掺和进来

I'll kill you.

我会杀了你的

What? Anytime!

什么? 随时奉陪!

Listen! I am married.

听着! 我结婚了

But it is a horrible marriage.

但这是场可怕的婚姻

She doesn't even talk to me anymore.

她甚至不再和我说话了

Danny, that's what all married men say.

Danny 每个已婚男人都这么说

If it's so bad, why don't you get divorced?

如果真这么糟 你为什么不离婚呢?

I am.

我离婚了

- You are?  - Yes! It's over.

 你离了?  - 没错!已经结束了

Oh, my God, I can't believe this.

我的天 我不敢相信

I destroyed a marriage!

我破坏了一个婚姻!

I really feel like I'm gonna be sick. I can't...

我真的感觉糟透了 我不能...

No, no, it wasn't 'cause of you!

不不 不是因为你的关系!

I filed along, long time ago.

我很早就提出离婚了

We're gonna sign the papers in a couple of days

我们几天后就会签离婚协议

and it's like, she's dead to me.

然后 我们就毫无关系了

What's her name?

她叫什么?

Mrs. Maccabee.

Maccabee夫人

You mean her first name? Her first name is Devlin.

你是问她的名字? 她名叫Devlin

Her name's Devlin?

她叫Devlin?

Isn't that a shitty name? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

是不是很难听?

But Devlin and I are splitting up, fortunately,

可喜可贺的是Devlin和我要分手了

'cause I caught her cheating on me with another guy.

因为我发现她和另一个男人有染

I didn't catch her.

不过我没亲手抓奸

The television show Cheaters caught her and the guy.

"捉奸在床"那个节目拍到了她和那个男人

And I told them not to air it, though,

尽管如此 我还是求他们别播出来

because it's too painful.

毕竟这种痛实在令人无法承受

They actually burned the tape so you can't see it.

于是他们烧了带子 所以你也看不到了

But I would love you to.

虽然我很想给你看

There's another man?

她在外面有男人了?

There's another guy, yes. Dolph.

是的 那个男人叫Dolph

Dolph?

Dolph?

Dolph Lundgren. Yeah.

他叫Dolph Lundgren 没错

Like the guy from Rocky IV?

你是说"洛奇4"里的那个?

No, no, a different Dolph Lundgren.

不是那个Dolph Lundgren

Apparently, if you bring that one up,

而且 如果你对他提那个Dolph

this one gets really angry, so don't.

他就会很生气 所以还是不要这样

Danny, guys always say they're gonna leave their wives.

Danny 男人总嚷着会离开他们的妻子

They never do.

但最后都没有

I'm telling you, she's happy with this Dolph guy,

我说了 她和这个叫Dolph的男人在一起很开心

good for her. Now I wanna be happy.

她幸福了 现在我也想有自己的幸福

And the only way I can be happy is if I'm with you!

只有和你在一起我才觉得幸福!

All right?

好吗?

Just wanna be able to be with you

我想堂堂正正和你在一起

and not be called a "fornicator"

而不是被那个从"玉米田"

or an "adulterer" or whatever that

跑出来的"小孩"

Children of the Corn kid was calling me.

叫作"奸夫"或者"劈腿男"

Okay.

好吧

Okay?

?

I just need to hear it from her.

只要听到她亲口证实

How about if she texts you, would that be good?

让她发短信给你 怎么样?

I need to meet her.

我想见她

Let's do it.

就这么办

 You want me to be your wife?  - Uh...huh.

 你想让我做你的妻子?  - 没错...

And you couldn't think of another name, other than Devlin?

除了Devlin 你就想不出别的名字了?

I practically took a Devlin in my pants when she asked me.

她问我的时候我急得差点把Devlin拉裤子上

What's her name? I got panicked.

她问"她叫什么?" 我就慌了

I get nervous around this girl.

见到她我就紧张

You got panicked?

你还慌了?

You who invents a fake wife every Friday night?

每周五晚都捏造一个老婆的人居然会慌?

Yeah. Doesn't that say something

是的 这不就证明了

about what I feel about this girl?

我对那女孩不一样吗?

Have you ever thought about the time

你就不怕

- that she's actually gonna walk into your office...  - Uh...huh.

 万一她走进你的办公室...  - ... 然后

... and sees that I'm your assistant/receptionist?

... 然后看到作为你助手兼秘书的我?

So easy. I'm a plastic surgeon,

这简单 我是个整形科医生

you will never look like you again.

我可以把你整成别的样子

 Snip, snap. Chip, chap.  - What are You talking about?

 削削磨磨  - 你在说什么鬼话?

I'm kidding. I'll get you a fake mustache.

玩笑而已 我会给你带个假胡子

Oh, my God, you've really, really not thought this through.

天哪 你真的不考虑后果

Will you please just look at some clothes?

你可以乖乖地选点衣服吗?

Look at that. I don't wear...

看看那个 我从不穿...

I have clothes, by the way.

强调下 我又不是没有衣服

I do not need to do any of this. I'm fine.

我好得很 根本不需要那些

Yes. You have the best clothes that Old Navy sells.

是是是 你的都是老海军卖最火的衣服

I'm just saying you gotta look like a plastic surgeon's wife.

我只是需要你穿得像整形医生的妻子

I want to create the illusion I had a hot first wife.

我想塑造出一个热辣的前妻形象

- You're so...  - Not this!

- 你真是太...  - 不是你这样的!

Okay, come on, let's go, you asked for it.

好吧 那行 我们走 这是你自找的

I'm ready.

我准备好了

Wow! These are... Oh, geez.

! 这些是...

Nice, nice.

很好 很好

It's just been a while since I've been in heels, sorry.

我好久没穿高跟鞋了 抱歉

 Okay, okay.  - Oh, gosh.

 好好 没事  - 天啊

Get there. Yeah, great.

去那儿 没错 很好

Oh, my God! These are gorgeous!

天哪! 这些真漂亮!

- How much are these?  - $1,700.

- 多少钱?  - 1700美元

$1,700? What, do you come with them?

1700美元? 什么? 是不是连你一起买下?

My parents' house costs $1,700. No, no.

我爸妈的房子也就值1700 不行

No. What, did Mickey Mantle sign those?

不可能 难道上面有Mickey Mantle(美职棒明星)的亲笔签名么?

Why are they $1,700, they made outta panda?

或是熊猫皮做的 否则怎么要1700?

 Walk away.  - Yeah. You know What?

 走啦  - 没错 要知道

We won't really be needing them anyway.

我们也不是真的需要这些

'Cause I'm actually starting to...

因为事实上 我开始...

I'm actually starting to feel not so hot. ls it warm in here?

我开始觉得不够()热了 这里面开暖气了没?

Whoo. I'm not sure I'll be able to make it this evening.

我不确定我今晚能不能赴约了

Very good. Okay, you know what? We'll take them.

败给你了 好吧 那行 我们买了

- It's your Christmas bonus.  - Oh, really?

 就当你的圣诞奖金了  - 真的?

Okay, then I would like them in blue, too.

好吧 那我还想要双蓝色的

In case a heel breaks or I just want to cuddle.

以防高跟突然断了 或者我想抱着它们入眠

- It's beautiful.  - You sicken me.

 真是太美了  - 你太过分了

Yes, well, that's why we're getting a divorce.

是的 这就是为什么我们要离婚

We're getting a divorce because you're greedy, schemy and selfish.

我们离婚是因为你贪婪 阴险又自私

Actually, I think you need to get the matching bag, too.

事实上 我觉得你应该再找个包搭配鞋子

Yeah, I think I should.

是的 我也这么想

Mmm. Thank you, Laurie. I agree.

谢谢你 Laurie 我同意

All the girls are sticking together. Isn't that sweet?

女孩们倒是统一战线了 真不错啊?

- Mmm... hmm.  - She's on your side, what a shock.

 ... 那是  - 她竟会帮你说话 倒是让我惊讶了

You asked for this. Trust me.

这是你自找的 相信我

Uh-huh. You asked for this.

嗯哼 这是你自找的

No.

不行

No.

不行

Hell, no! No,no,no!

! 不行 !

What do you mean, no?

你是说什么不行?

No? No what?

? 不什么?

No hope. Okay? There's only one word for it.

不可救药了 好吧? 我只能用一个词来形容

 What is it?  - Neglect.

 什么词?  - 无视

Okay? This is the one word

好吧? 总的来说

for the whole thing. Are you the husband?

就这个词 你是她丈夫?

I'm the soon to be ex-husband.

我就快成前夫了

We're getting a divorce.

我们正离婚呢

Well, you know he's not divorcing you.

你知道吗 他不是跟你离婚

He's divorcing your head.

他是跟你的头离婚

True 'dat, Ernesto. Right on the money.

那确实 Ernesto 非常准确

Your hair is so messed up, I don't even...

你的头发太糟糕了 我连...

Let me count the ways.

我给你列举一下

It's dull, it's dead, it's flat.

又暗沉 又呆板 又单调

Don't forget smelly.

别忘了还有味

It's smell... It don't smell, particularly...

还有... 我没闻到什么...

 Okay, I think we got it.  - You bad.

 好吧 意思很清楚了  - 你个坏蛋

You is bad. Give me a little bit. That's bad, though. You should...

你真坏啊 来击个掌 太坏了真是 你应该...

You guys, come on, seriously. Ernesto, can you just, please

喂你们俩 拜托 严肃点 Ernesto 能否拜托你

do something, so we can be home

速战速决 我们好回家

 I can do...  - and I can get Out of here?

 我能做...  - 早点离开这里?

Hurricane Katrina could do something, baby.

卡特里娜飓风才速战速决 宝贝

I'm gonna do something transcendent.

我要展现的可是卓越技巧

Katya! Yuri, Mrs. Hwiggins!

Katya! Yuri, Hwiggins太太!

We going in deep, y'all.

大家来干活了

You seem nervous, Danny.

Danny 你看上去很紧张

No, no, I just...

我只是...

It's weird, she gets me very tense.

很奇怪 她让我很紧张

I'm sorry to put you through this.

真抱歉让你经历这种场面

No, I understand why we're doing this.

没关系 我理解

I'm just looking forward to getting past this part of my life

我只是迫不及待想给这段灰白生活画下句点

and moving on to the good part.

开始下一段的美好和快乐

We will. Soon. Tonight.

我们会的 很快 就今晚

Good God, yes.

天呐 是啊

Is that her?

那是她吗?

I think so.

我想是的

She's stunning.

她真漂亮

I love her shoes.

我喜欢她的鞋

Yeah, well, she got about five pairs of them.

她有五双呢

Maybe she'll give you one.

没准她能送你一双

Henderson!

Henderson!

Do you see Dr. Maccabee anywhere in this...

你看到Maccabee医生在哪...

Oh! There he is.

! 他在这

Keep the car running, shan't be long.

车别熄火 不会太久

Hello, boring!

你好 乏味老公!

Hey. You went with a limo driver?

你还雇了豪华轿车司机?

I'm just playing the part.

我只是投入角色而已

Okay.

好吧

Palmer! Hi.

Palmer!

 Devlin Maccabee.  - Soon to be, single-abee.

 你好Maccabee太太  - 马上就能庆祝单身了

Waiter! Excuse me. Anybody?

服务生! 打扰一下 有人吗?

Yes, yes. Something to drink, madam?

要点喝的吗 女士?

Well, hello.

你好啊

I would like a tall glass of you.

我想点你

Is that possible? Meow!

行么? !

I'm just kidding. Unless you're really into it.

开玩笑 除非你真的有兴趣

Kidding again. No, I'm not.

还是玩笑 其实带点真

We don't know. Grey Goose martinis,

谁知道呢 灰雁马提尼吧

just keep 'em coming. Okay. Ooh!

记得一直续酒啊 好吧 !

 Make That a dirty martini.  - okay.

 记住 要激情火辣的马提尼  - 好的

 Okay?  - Good one.

 好吗?  - 还不错

Well, so, Palmer.

好的 Palmer

I heard you and Danny had sex.

我听说你跟Danny上床了

Yes. I am so sorry, I had...

是的 真对不起 我不...

Please, honey, it is fine. I'm just happy to hear

拜托 亲爱的 没关系的

that his thing-a-ding can still ring-a-ding.

听到他那玩意儿依旧能上工 我可很是欣慰呢

'Cause he's got a serious small issue

因为他ED的小问题

with ED. Over here.

颇为严重 就这儿

Okay.

好吧

What's ED? I don't...

什么是ED? 我不...

Oh, gosh. I forgot. You're fifteen.

天呐 我忘了 你才十五呢

Erectile dysfunction, my darling.

是勃起功能障碍 亲爱的

Think about it as if

想象一下 就好比是

you're trying to throw darts and you just...

你准备射飞镖 但你...

All you really got, you're shooting with,

你拿到手上的 却只有

like, overcooked spaghetti.

煮过头的意大利面

Okay. Yeah.

好吧 是的

I just think that my spaghetti wasn't loving

估计是我的意大利面不太中意

the meatballs that was being served.

搭配的肉丸吧

 They were a little too lumpy.  - Oh.

 因为她们太硌人  -

I've heard from a lot of men that I serve

可我倒是被许多人夸赞

the finest meatballs in Southern California.

提供的是加州南部最好的肉丸呢

Of course. A lot of homeless men have said this.

当然 流浪汉都会这么说

- Yes.  - They'll eat anything, you know.

 对啊  - 他们都饥不择食的 你懂的

I'm just very shocked that you remember

不过我倒是相当惊讶 你居然能记住

anybody you've ever been with.

所有跟你上过床的人

With all the pills that are in your system.

毕竟你一直在嗑药嘛

She likes the pills, this one.

这位女士相当喜欢小药丸

At night I come home, "What's for dinner?"

晚上我回家后问 "晚饭吃什么?"

"Well, we have purple pills, and the green ones

回答 我们有紫色和绿色的小药丸"

and some lovely yellow bombers

还有一些我刚刚从烤箱拿出来的

I just took out of the oven."

黄色轰炸机"

Remember that?

记得吗?

I had to do something to amuse myself

没办法 在他因为脆弱的肠子

while this one sat on the throne for hours

而在卫生间长时间定居时

dealing with his irritable bowel syndrome.

我只好自己找点乐子了

I got another disease. Okay.

我又有新病情了 好吧

Can I tell you, I spent the eve of our wedding

我跟你说啊 我俩结婚当晚

sitting on the bed,

我一直坐在床上

listening to what sounded like an underwater symphony,

听着从我们的酒店卫生间传出

of French horns and bassoons

类似法国号和低音管奏出的

coming out of our hotel bathroom.

水下交响乐

Mix that with the smell of like a dead cat and some fajitas

混和着死猫和法士达(墨西哥食物)的味道

and you've got what you call yourself

那时你才知道什么是

a severely diminished libido.

锐减的性欲

Ow!

!

Did you just kick me?

你是不是踢我了?

No. Did you? You kicked her?

没有 是你吗? 你踢她了?

- Why'd you kick her?  - What?

 你为什么踢她?  - 什么?

Yeah, I don't... I... Yes. I... I have leg spasms.

我没... ... ... 我腿抽筋了

Ow!

!

It's a side effect.

是副作用

Terrible side effect from all the pill popping.

嗑药带来的严重副作用

But, you know, it's all better now.

不过 你知道吗 现在已经好多了

I'm clean and sober and I apologize.

我戒掉了 我很清醒 我道歉

It's okay.

没关系

Thirteenth step, right there. Back to drinking.

还没走十三步 就又喝上了

Oh, Henderson, you thoughtless oaf,

Henderson 你个没眼力的白痴

stop texting, open that door.

别发短信了 开车门

 Why do You keep calling me Henderson?  - Just go with it.

 你为什么一直叫我Henderson?  - 配合一下吧

Palmer, so lovely to meet you.

Palmer 认识你真开心

Likewise, really.

彼此彼此 真的

I mean, look at you two.

我是说 看看你俩

I mean, it's like, Barbie and...

我是说 就像 芭比娃娃和...

Yes.

...Grandpa Ken.

...爷爷版的Ken

I mean... And even though it did not work out

我是说... 即使我俩之间

between us at all...

根本行不通...

It's like it never happened. You know?

就像从来没发生一样 是吧?

It really isn't.

真的没有

 I still want My Danny to be happy.  - Oh, look at that.

 我还是想让我的Danny快乐  - 看呐

Happy, happy, happy.

快乐 快乐 快乐

Good night, kiddo. Okay.

晚安 老姐 好的

Hello.

It's her drug dealer I'm thinking.

我猜是她的药贩子

Okay, please put her on the phone right now.

好的 请马上让她接电话

Are you kidding me, honey?

你开玩笑呢吧 亲爱的?

You know how I feel about

你知道我很反对

you selling your brother's stuff on eBay.

你把弟弟的东西放在eBay上卖的

Hey, hey, hey. Take that in the car.

到车里接电话

No. It's okay.

没关系的

I will deal with you when I get home, young lady. Okay.

等我到家再跟你算账 小姐 好吧

I mean, you would think...

我是说 你会觉得...

You have kids?

你们还有孩子?

Hmm? Hmm?

? ?

You have... You have children?

你们有... 你们有孩子?

We have sort of a little bit...

我们有大概一点...

a little bit of children, right?

有点孩子 对吧?

When were you planning on telling me

你什么时候打算告诉我

about these children, Danny?

你有孩子 Danny?

I don't know, but listen,

我不知道 不过听着

I have to go get to those little munchkins.

我得回去管管那些小捣蛋鬼了

Palmer, so nice, seriously.

Palmer 很高兴见面 真的

Danny.

至于Danny

No, no, no, hey, hey.

Okay.

好吧

Are you freaked out right now about all this or...

你现在是不是很生气...

Actually, just the opposite.

事实上 正好相反

The opposite of freaked out? What do you mean? Good?

跟生气正好相反? 你是什么意思? 是好事?

You know that I love kids.

你知道我爱小孩的

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just never pegged you as a kids guy.

我从来没想过你是喜欢孩子的人

I'm a huge kids guy. I love kids.

我是巨喜欢孩子的人 我爱小孩

Kids, kids, kids. Is...

小孩 小孩 小孩 ...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's my thing. That's my bumper sticker.

这是我特点 还是我的车尾贴

What are their names?

他们叫什么?

What are their names again? There is

他们又叫什么来着? 那个

the girl who, of course, is Kiki Dee.

女孩 名字呢 当然是 Kiki Dee

And then the boy's name's Bart.

然后呢 男孩的名字叫Bart

Which of course is short for Barto.

当然是Barto的简称

Well, I wanna meet them!

我想见见他们!

Of course you do.

猜你也会

So our mom doesn't know that you took us today?

所以我们妈妈不知道今天你带我们出来?

Not yet.

还不知道

You know this is kidnapping.

你知道这算绑架的

Stranger danger.

不要和陌生人说话

What? No.

什么? 不是

Is the guy from Dateline NBC gonna walk in?

日界线(美国电视节目)的人是不是要进来了?

No! I know you two a long time and Rosa's here.

! 我认识你们很久了 而且Rosa也在这

Doing whatever that Rosa does.

在做她一贯在做的事

- God, she's freaky.  - Yeah.

  她太奇怪了  -

So here's the deal.

那么 事情是这样的

How would you like to be my pretend children

你们愿不愿意假装是我的孩子

for one afternoon?

一个下午?

Why don't you just tell that poor girl the truth?

你为什么不干脆告诉那个可怜的女孩实情算了?

You know?

你们知道?

Our mother tells us everything.

我们妈妈什么都告诉我们

Wedding ring boy.

婚戒男孩

- What?  - Oh, my goodness!

 什么?  - 天呐

Did you see Gossip Girl last night? It was so good!

你昨晚看绯闻女孩了吗? 太棒了!

No, she's not like that.

她不是那样的

Your mother's presenting her in a weird, weird way.

你妈妈把她模仿得很奇怪很奇怪

I'm just saying, telling the truth

我只是觉得现在

is not in the cards right now.

不是讲实话的时机

I thought you'd be excited to have an acting job.

我以为你们会很高兴有个表演工作机会

If it's an acting job, we should get paid.

如果是表演工作 我们应该有报酬

Yeah, you're gonna get paid in experience.

是的 你们的报酬就是经验

I wanna actually get paid.

我要的是真正的报酬

All right, what do you want?

好吧 想要什么?

$600 for the day,

日薪600美元

plus overtime if we go over eight hours.

超过八小时额外算加班费

I'll do my own hair and makeup.

头发和化妆我会自己打理

And I want you to pay for the six-week intensive acting camp

还有 我要你为我付六周加强表演训练营课程

that my mom can't afford.

因为我妈妈负担不起

$50 for the day and a two-week acting class at the YMCA nearest you.

50美元日薪和两周最近基督教青年会的表演课程

$500 and a four-week acting class.

500美元日薪和四周表演课

$300 and a three-week class.

300美元和三周课

Done.

成交

I would have done it for $500.

本来500美元我就可以成交的

I would have done it for the experience.

本来不要钱我就可以成交的

Michael, you're up. Opener?

Michael 到你了 条件?

I want you to take me to Hawaii

我想你带我去夏威夷

so I can swim with the dolphins.

和海豚游泳

You're not gonna let that one go, are you?

你就是不肯放弃 是吧?

We're not going to Hawaii, pal. Anything else?

夏威夷是不会去的 有别的要求么?

Find someone else then.

那你找别人吧

Ooh, the Mafia stare down. Very good, Michael.

黑手党的慑人目光 不错嘛 Michael

We're here to negotiate.

我们是来商量的

Do you have anything else you might like?

你有其他喜欢的东西吗?

I want a flying pony.

我想要只会飞的小马

I want a flying pony too, Michael, but they don't exist.

我也想要会飞的小马 Michael 但它们不存在

Then I want a regular pony. And I want to name him Nelson.

那我要一只普通小马 起名叫Nelson

How about a Playstation 3 and we name him Nelson?

不如一个叫NelsonPS3(游戏机)?

Keep talking.

继续

We'll include four video games.

会包含四个电子游戏

Five games.

五个游戏

And I want the meeting with blondie to be at J.D. McFunnigan's.

而且我要跟金发女郎在J.D. McFunnigan游乐场约会

How 'bout Charlie Choo-Choo's

Charlie Choo-Choo游乐场怎么样

'cause it's right down the street from me.

就在我家那条街上

Mention that slop-hole again and I walk.

再讨价还价我就走人

All right, take it easy, son. Take it easy.

好吧 放轻松 孩子 放轻松

And I want unlimited tokens.

我还要无限的游戏币

If I can spend 'em, I wanna have 'em.

我想花多少 就有多少

I don't wanna be like playing Skee-Ball

我可不想像玩滑雪球一样

and all of a sudden run out of tokens.

游戏币突然就用完了

All right, I can make that happen.

好吧 这点我办得到

So do we have a deal?

所以我们成交了?

Deal.

成交

Deal's off unless you eat that pizza, though. Seriously.

但是如果不吃掉那块披萨的话 交易就取消

Can I do an accent?

我能带口音吗?

- Let me hear some.  - 'Ello!

- 我先听听  - 好吖!

 No.  - okay.

 不行  - 好吧

My kids? Have you completely lost your mind?

我孩子? 你是失心疯了吗?

Are you kidding me right now?

开什么玩笑?

You're the one who picked up your cell phone.

还不都是因为你接的鬼电话

That is not...

那不是...

Mrs. Harrington...

Harrington太太...

The doctor will see you now.

轮到你了

I can't believe you're doing all of this just so you can get some.

简直难以置信 为了这点甜头你能如此不折手段

It's just gross. You're just pathetic.

太恶心了 真是太可悲了

I'm not trying to get some. I already got some.

我不是为了这点甜头 我已经尝到甜头了

And yes, I'd like to continue getting some.

而且没错 我还会更加甜滋滋的

I'm pro me getting some.

这才是专业人士的做法

Have a seat right there, Mrs. Harrington.

在那坐好 Harrington太太

Remove your shirt, if you could.

请您脱掉上衣好吗

I smell something. You smell something?

我闻到点味道 你闻到没?

I smell perfume.

是香水味

Is that coming from you?

你喷了香水吗?

I... I'm... Maybe.

... ... 可能吧

What, you got a date or something?

怎么 你要去约会?

I don't have a date. I have a lunch.

不是约会 只是吃顿午饭

You got a lunch? Who you got a lunch with?

跟人吃午饭? 跟谁吃午饭?

Dr. Gervitz's office manager, if you must know everything.

Gervitz医生的办公室经理 如果你非要刨根问底的话

His name is Brian.

他叫Brian

The guy with the gray soul patch?

就是那个灰色灵魂补丁(胡须样式)?

You know what?

你知道吗?

Hey, man, I'm Brian.

伙计 我是Brian

You're mean!

你太刻薄了!

Wow, you wanna go to lunch sometime?

哇哦 有时间一起吃午饭吗?

Is he gonna take you there right after the big protest?

他是不是准备在大抗议之后带你去吃饭?

Hey, man, we gotta stop these squirrels.

兄弟 咱得制止这些松鼠

He plays bass, don't he?

他还弹贝司 对吧?

You can take the brassiere off, too.

胸罩也可以脱下来

And by the way, he does play the bass.

没错 他确实会弹贝司

And he writes songs.

还会写歌呢

What does he write songs about,

都写些什么样的歌

how bad his ponytail stinks?

写他的马尾辫有多臭?

Mrs. Harrington, could you put your hands on your hips, please?

Harrington夫人 请把双手放到臀部

Okay, so, one of the funbags is not having too much fun.

好了 看起来有个福袋没那么好运哦

All right, what happened anyways?

怎么回事?

 Well, I hit It with the car door yesterday...  - Right.

 昨天 我撞到车门...  -

and I heard a pop

接着听到砰一声

and then some sloshing sound when I walk.

走路的时候还听到水晃动的声音

Yeah. I think.

就这样

What are you doing?

你在做什么?

Could be the kids or could be Brian.

可能是孩子们或是Brian打来的哦

Okay. Stop that.

够了 别玩了

Do you mind just for one second?

介意稍等一下吗?

Let me just talk to this guy.

我和这家伙聊几句

Stop!

别闹!

Yeah.

这就对了

- Hello?  - Yeah, man!

- ?  - 兄弟!

 Brian?  - You can lie down.

 Brian?  - 你可以躺下来

Yeah, hi! We sure are.

有空 你好! 当然记得我们有约

Yeah, no, sushi would be groovy.

不会啊 很好 寿司好吃

Okay, I'll see you at 1:00 in the lobby.

好的 1点大厅见

Okay, bye.

What voice was that?

你那是什么声音?

That was my voice.

就是我的声音啊

Really?

是吗?

I didn't sound like that.

我音调没这么高

One o'clock...

1点见...

You're excited about this guy, huh?

要见那家伙很兴奋嘛你 ?

Mrs. Harrington, this is numbing cream for your nipples, okay?

Harrington夫人 这是麻醉你乳头的乳霜 准备好了吗?

Oh. Oh, okay.

好了

It's gonna be one afternoon.

只是一个下午而已

Why are we making such a big deal out of this?

为什么要搞得这么复杂?

Because you know what? You're trying to get my kids involved

你知道为什么吗? 因为你要拖我的孩子下水

in your dysfunctional, sick little, pathetic, twisted web of lies.

拖进你那非正常 有点病态 可悲 又错综复杂的谎言里

When I was negotiating with your son, Michael,

我和你儿子Michael 谈判的时候

he had the biggest smile I've ever seen on anyone's face.

我看到了世上最灿烂的笑容

When I told him we could do it at J.D. McFunnigan's,

当我告诉他我们要去J.D. McFunnigan游乐场时

the kid looked like he won the Heisman Trophy,

那孩子高兴得像得了海斯曼橄榄球杯似的

I'm not kidding you.

我没在忽悠你

I think that's enough. Do you feel that?

够了 别再说了 有感觉吗?

No.

No, but do you feel that?

没有 那这样呢?

- No.  - We're good.

 没有  - 那就搞定

By the way, did you make this?

问一下 你自己做的?

Mmm-hmm.

嗯哼

We'll have to give it to the Smithsonian

手术之后我们要把它送去史密森博物馆

when we've clone the operation. Terrific job.

手艺不错啊

Did he really smile?

他真的笑了?

Swear to God, like the cutest little smile.

我对天发誓 那是最天真无邪的笑容

And I got Maggie to eat.

我还让Maggie吃东西了

 You did?  - Yeah.

 她肯吃了?  -

Pizza. Deep dish. Three pieces.

3大块厚披萨

I can't get her to eat anything.

我说什么她都不肯吃东西

I know you can't. Don't do this for me.

我知道你做不到 别为了我而答应

Do it for the children.

为了你的孩子们

- Yeah!  - Oh, stop!

- 答应了!  - 够了!

Come on, you're late, you're late!

快点 你们迟到了 迟到了!

What are you, in character right away?

你们这么快就入戏了吗?

Come on, let's go!

赶紧地 我们走吧!

She's inside.

她在里面了

What is that?

你这是什么打扮?

What?

什么?

Did Victoria Beckham have a yard sale? Why are you wearing that?

维多利亚贝克汉姆家有清仓大减价吗? 为什么要穿成这样?

Are you kidding me?

开什么玩笑?

This is what you bought for me.

这是你买给我的啊

I know, I know. I'm just saying is it...

我知道 我知道 我只是说这...

All right, we're stuck with it,

没错 我们是得靠打扮取胜

I just think it's a little over the top, but...

我只是觉得这有点过于隆重 不过...

Thanks. Happy to be here to help you.

多谢啦 很高兴能在这儿协助你

The first rule of improv is always accept the information.

即兴表演的首要准则就是接收别人的讯息

If someone says something, just go with it.

只要别人提出的 就要顺水推舟演下去

No negating.

不得推诿

Gotcha. That sounds good, that's smart.

收到 说得真对 很不错

In my acting class, when someone says "no" in a scene,

我上表演课的时候 要是有人在拍戏途中说 ""

the whole class yells, "Die!"

全班都会大喊 "去死!"

No. I mean, no one will say "no" then.

我是说 等下没有人会说 ""

Don't yell "Die."

用不着大喊 "去死"

Who's up for some warm-up exercises?

准备好做热身运动了吗?

- No, honey, I'm not gonna do that.  - The what?

  宝贝 我不会那样做的  - 做什么?

The tip of the tongue, the teeth, the lips.

嘴说腿 腿说嘴 嘴说腿 爱跑腿

I got one for you. Shut up!

我也有热身运动 闭嘴!

All right, let's go already. Are you ready there, Mafia?

好了没 要进去咯 你准备好了吗 老大?

- Hell, yeah.  - Let's do it!

- 我靠 早就好了  - 走吧!

J.D. McFunnigan

J.D. McFunnigan游乐场

Stinks.

臭臭的

Smells like kids' feet and like skidmark underwear.

像是小孩的脚臭和屁股没擦干净的内裤的味道

Mmm. Happy Father's Day.

父亲节快乐

- Oh!  - Jeez!

- !  - 天呐!

Mommy! That man put his pee-pee on my face!

妈咪! 这个人把他的小鸡鸡放在我脸上!

What?

什么?

- He put his face on my pee-pee.  - Danny!

- 是他的脸撞到在我小鸡鸡  - Danny!

- I'm saying he's the one.  - I don't think it matters.

 我在澄清他才是凶手  - 这不是重点

No, I get you.

我懂你的意思

Oh, oh! Palmer, darling.

! Palmer 亲爱的 

Hi.

Devlin. Thank you so much for bringing the kids today.

Devlin 多谢你今天带着孩子过来

I don't think she was the only one who brought them.

我想她可不是带来孩子们的唯一功臣

You know what I'm saying? They are my pride and joy.

明白我意思吧? 他们可是我的骄傲和快乐源泉

So I'd like to introduce you to, the one and only,

让我来介绍 这是独一无二的

Kiki Dee, who came out at nine pounds four ounces.

Kiki Dee 出生时95盎司重

Yeouch.

没错

And then the whopper, we call him, Bart,

接下来是Bart 我们叫他大家伙

because he was a 12-pounder and did some damage.

他出生时重达12 还让她妈受了点伤

Okay. So...

所以...

Hi, you guys.

你好

Hello, Palmer.

你好 Palmer

Heard so much about you.

常听老爸提起你啊

You're British?

你是英国人?

So you're the bird what's been given Daddy the ol' slap and tickle?

你就是那个让老爸夜夜春宵的人吗?

We sent her to boarding school last year in England.

我们去年把她送去英国读寄宿学校

See? So she picked up a slight accent.

看到没? 所以她学到点口音

It's, you know, very Madonna.

就是 你知道 很麦当娜风格

Well, it is a pleasure meeting you, Kiki Dee.

Kiki Dee 认识你很高兴

Wish I could say the same.

恕我难尽此言

You see, before you, I had meself a father.

是这样的 在您出现之前 我有爸爸

I was the apple of his eye.

我是他的掌上明珠

It was all giggling and chasing butterflies

我的生活就像在草原上

in the meadows, and what have you.

尽情追逐蝴蝶般欢愉 无忧无虑

And now what do I got?

如今看我还剩些什么?

An hour and a half every other week

每隔一周来一次游乐场

at J.D. McFunnigan's with him and his whore.

1个半小时还得面对他和他那贱人

- Koko! Kiki!  - Kiki!

- Koko! Kiki!  - Kiki!

God, she's in such pain.

天啊 她一定很痛苦

No, that's the pills that...

不是 是因为她偷吃了...

she took some out of her mother's bureau.

她妈妈桌上那些药 才变得这样

Are you...

你开什么...

All right, let me go see her.

没事 我去看看她

How are you doing, sweetie?

宝贝 你还好吗?

I'll be better when I start seeing some tokens.

给我游戏币我会好点

He's American.

他是美国人

Excuse me. Yo! What was that all about?

等下 ! 你刚才是在演哪出?

That was raw and real and in the moment.

那是真情流露 情不自禁的

You know, I feel very good about it.

知道吧 我很满意刚刚的表演

You do? Well, I don't!

你满意了? 我可不!

So if you wanna get your money and your acting classes,

如果你还想拿钱和上表演课

you better start doing things right from now on.

你最好马上开始好好配合我

No more sob stories.

不许演悲情

And we're stuck with the English accent now, Ringo,

还有你就继续用英音说话吧 Ringo(英国著名演员)

so commit to it. Don't choke, got it?

别改了 顺溜点 明白没?

Got it.

明白

Now hug me and laugh

现在大笑着拥抱我

and let's get back into the show.

我们要重返舞台了

Okay. Papa!

好的 爸爸!

You're not a whore, Palmer.

你不是贱人 Palmer

Okay.

做得好

That's so nice. See what they do, they fight,

多温馨啊 你看他们 虽然吵架了

then they make up and it's good.

可是很快就和好 这点不错

Good. We're doing good.

不错 我们演得挺好

Are you kidding me?

玩儿我呢吧?

Got a hamburger here for Bart, art the water fart.

我给Bart点了个汉堡 还能喝水喝到饱

Here you go, Kid.

给你的 孩子

Look at that, sweet!

你看看 多好!

And two quesadillas for Kiki Sneaky with a side of freaky.

这是给Kiki的玉米饼 吃到你上瘾

Here's the waters. No soda for you.

这是水 你不能喝汽水

- You're battling diabetes, remember?  - Huh?

 还记得你有糖尿病吧?  - ?

Kiki Dee?

Kiki Dee?

I got you two quesadillas 'cause it's your favorite food so you have to eat it.

玉米饼不就是你最爱吃的吗 一定要吃光光啊

Well, yes! And that's why I'm going to eat every single bit of it.

当然! 就是最爱吃我才要一口一口细细品尝

All right, let's see.

好啊 看看好吃不

Yummy!

真好吃!

Thank you.

谢谢

Hey, I think we forgot napkins.

我们忘了拿纸巾

We did? Okay. Well, let me get the napkins.

是吗? 没事 我去拿

Because I know she's not gonna get up and do it

我知道她不会去拿

because she doesn't like to get up and do anything.

因为她懒得动

Oh, nice.

真体贴

Everybody be cool.

大家等我啊

So, Bart, your dad tells me you like to go to the bathroom.

Bart 你爸说你喜欢上厕所

When I feel it, I do it.

有急事我才上

What else do you like?

你还喜欢做些什么?

I don't know.

我不知道

That's our Bart.

Bart就是这样的

He's a man of very few words.

他是沉默帝

Ah. Okay.

好吧

Maybe I'm upset.

可能是我不开心

Upset about me and your father dating?

因为我和你爸约会吗?

No. You seem to make my dad happy and that's cool, but...

不是 你能让我爸快乐我也快乐 只是...

But what?

只是什么?

Nothing.

没什么

Hey, I want you to feel comfortable

我希望你能和我

telling me anything.

畅谈一切

Well, I just hate that he broke his promise to me.

我只是讨厌他不守承诺

What promise?

什么承诺?

Yeah, what promise?

对啊 什么承诺?

He promised me last year that he would take me to Hawaii

他去年答应我 会带我去夏威夷

to swim with the dolphins.

和海豚游泳

They have this lagoon there with dolphins

那里有个湖里面有海豚

and people get to swim with them.

游客可以去和海豚游泳

What are you doing?

你在干什么?

But without warning, my dad canceled the trip.

但是他一声不吭 就取消了行程

Why would he do that?

他为什么这么做?

He met you.

因为他认识了你

He what?

他什么?

- No!  - Die!

- 不是啊!  - 去死!

No, no, no, no, no, no! I'm saying that did not...

不是啊 不不不不不! 我是在说那不是...

You misread what I said.

你误解我的话了

I said we have to go to Hawaii earlier.

我是说我们应该早点去夏威夷才是

Because I'm excited for all of us to hang out there.

因为我光想到能和大家一起去逛逛就很兴奋

We're going to Hawaii!

一起去夏威夷!

I can't believe I let a six-year-old blackmail me.

不敢相信我居然被六岁大的小鬼头勒索

I saw my shot and I took it.

我看见机会当然要下手

You're angry at yourself

你还是恨你自己吧

'cause you got us into this whole situation.

是你拖我们大伙下水的

 I did?  - You really did.

 我自作孽?  - 当然

I think old Mary Poppins with the,

拜那老戏精所赐

You can't say no. You can't say no, Guv'nor.

你不可以说不 你不可以说不 大人

Okay, listen, my tolerance

你听着 我对这一连串鬼把戏

for these continued shenanigans is right here.

忍耐程度已经满到这儿了

And if it gets up to here, I'm taking my kids,

如果它继续上升 我就带走我的孩子

I'm selling you out and I'm going home.

出卖你 然后回家去

I am so happy we are doing this, Danny.

很高兴我们能一起旅游 Danny

Are you kidding me? We're going to Hawaii,

开什么玩笑? 当然高兴 一起去夏威夷啊

we're gonna swim with dolphins.

一起和海豚游泳

It's gonna be so much fun. I was just telling the squirt.

一定超好玩的 我刚正和孩子们这么说着呢

And Seventeen magazine.

还买了"少女"杂志

You brought that for these guys or is that for you?

是帮他们买的还是你自己看的?

It's mine. it's my favorite.

我看的 这是我的最爱

See that? Did you ever read that magazine?

看见没? 你读过那杂志吗?

Thirty years ago you did.

30年前读过吧你

And hopefully we're gonna have time together, right, sweetie?

希望到那儿以后我们能过过二人世界 对吧 宝贝?

Wait! Wait!

等我! 等我!

Danny, wait!

Danny 等我!

Muffinstein, I could not stand to be without you.

大美女 你不在我身边 让我度日如年

Uh-oh!

哦噢!

Is this him?

这是你前夫吗?

I see the Colonel Von generous right here in front of me.

果然如陆军上校般高大威武 慷慨大方

Okay, I'm confused right now.

慢着 我现在一头雾水

I'm so sorry. I've not introduced myself,

不好意思 忘了自我介绍

we have talked on the phone, but I am the Dolph Lundgren.

我们之前通过电话 我就是Dolph Lundgren

Devlin's man-friend/love monkey.

Devlin的男性朋友兼爱情玩物

Oh, kill me now.

天啊 杀了我吧

Devlin said you had to stay back and work.

Devlin不是说你要留下来工作吗

 I did.  - she What said?

 我是这么说过  - 她怎么说的?

Nein, nein to the work.

当然不是 我没有工作

I will work when I am kaput.

我脑子进水才会去工作

You know, I think this is so great

你们知道吗 我真觉得和你们

of all of you, so mature.

一起旅游太好了 都是成年人

I would have loved if my parents had done something like this

我真希望能像这样和父母一起去旅游

when they got divorced.

不过他们离婚了

That's why I was thinking we should have the man come.

所以我才觉得应该叫上这位先生一起来

Yeah, I'm glad. I'm glad.

真的 我好高兴 我好高兴

It's important for the children

最重要的是让孩子看到

to see us as a unit.

我们是个完整的家庭

And also I cannot stay away from this potato pancake.

再说我怎么能离开我的美人儿呢

She loves the schnitzel, you know what I mean?

她最爱我那块肉片 知道我的意思吧?

You know what? Tongue feels a little dry.

你知道吗? 你舌头有点干哦

Let's go get you some water, honey. We'll be back.

去帮你找点水吧 宝贝 我们等下回来

That's a big tongue, big tongue.

真是大舌头 大舌头

Get over here, get over here. Ew!

给我过来 给我过来 !

What are you doing here?

你来干什么?

I don't know, saving the day. Helping. Hello?

不知道 来帮手 来帮忙 是吗?

Who are you talking to? What are you looking at?

你和谁说话啊? 你看谁呢?

I can't see in these things.

我什么也看不见

This is what you're gonna do.

你要照我说的去做

You're gonna tell them that you ate a bad sauerkraut omelet for breakfast

去告诉他们你早餐吃酸菜煎蛋卷吃坏了肚子

and that you are feeling like you're sick and that you gotta go.

你现在觉得不舒服要先走

- Katherine, I can't go. Okay?  - Why?

 Katherine 我不能走 行吗?  - 为什么?

Because I texted a picture of my new equipment to my ex-girlfriend.

我给我下面那新武器拍了张照 还发了给前女友

Oh, you're disgusting.

你好恶心啊

And I forgot she's engaged to a UFC fighter.

但是我忘记她和一个终极格斗冠军赛的选手订婚了

He wants to punch me in the face.

他说要往我脸上猛挥一拳

I wanna punch you in the face.

我也想往你脸上挥一拳

Hey, guys, how we doing?

大伙 可以走了吗?

I am just waiting for the money for the ticket.

我在等你给钱买机票呢

Mmm-hmm. So you are coming? And I am paying?

嗯哼 你来玩? 我付钱?

Yes. Dolph has zero dollars.

Dolph身无分文啊

- Whoops!  - Okay.

- 惭愧!  -

Let me see if I can find my credit card.

让我找找我的信用卡

Oh, here it is.

找到了

That's for sleeping with my wife, Pal.

这拳是教训你睡了我老婆 哥们儿

# Do you wanna...#

# 你是否想... #

# Trip to Hawii, Hawii #

# 夏威夷之旅 夏威夷 #

# Straight to Hawii #

# 一路直向 夏威夷岛 #

# Do you wanna come along with me? #

# 你是否想 与我随行? #

There you go. Thank you.

您的卡 欢迎光临

Hey, hey!

!

Didn't have time to make any reservations,

之前没时间预约房间

but I need two rooms, please.

我现在需要两间房 谢谢

Oh, of course.

请稍等

Unfortunately, we only have our suites left.

抱歉 只剩下豪华套房了

Oh, boy.

哥们

The Waldorf Astoria at $8,000 per night

华尔道夫酒店的房间每晚8000

and the Presidential at $12,000.

总统套房每晚12000

- $12,000 a night?  - Mmm-hmm.

- 12000元一晚?  - 嗯哼

Do the Rolling Stones come and play for me while I'm in there?

我住的时候有滚石乐队上门表演吗?

What the hell are you talking about? Why is it so much?

你在扯淡吗? 为什么这么贵?

Is it made out of panda?

是用熊猫皮做的装潢吗?

I've used that somewhere else, but is it?

这问题我问过别人 但你们这儿是吗?

No, but you've made some terrific suggestions

不是 但您刚刚提了些不错的建议

and I'm gonna jot them down.

我要把它们记下来

Are you a member of the Hilton Honors Rewards program?

请问您是"希尔顿荣誉奖计划"的会员吗?

No, I'm not.

不是

Oh. That's too bad. You should join.

太遗憾了 您应该加入的

Yeah.

是啊

Yay!

谢谢!

Just got reamed. I mean, I got the rooms.

被榨干了 我是说 订到房间了

Who wants to go to the beach?

谁要去沙滩?

- Me!  - Me!

- !  - !

Who wants to start drinking?

谁要去喝两杯?

- Me!  - Me!

- !  - Me!

# I wanna love you #

# 我想爱你 #

# And it's too right #

# 再想不过 #

# I wanna love you #

# 我想爱你 #

Okay, yeah,

好吧

I would create a fake family for that. Oh, my God!

换我也会为了那尤物弄出个家庭 我的天!

You know what? You're disgusting.

你知道吗? 你真恶心

Mumsy, please do come in.

妈妈 快加入我们吧

The water's as lovely as Westminster in May.

这儿的海水和五月的Westminster一样舒服

No, honey, I'm good.

不了 亲爱的 我很好

I don't really feel like swimming right now.

我现在不想游泳

What is this from, my Liebchen?

何出此言啊 亲爱的?

Don't you be intimidated by her whole thing right there,

你不是被她那完美的曲线

which is perfect.

吓住了吧

Oh, come on. Like she's intimidated.

别这样说 好像她真的被吓住了似的

I hope when I'm her age I look that good.

我还希望在她的年纪 能像她保养得那样好呢

Yes, right?

是吗?

You can look that good

如果你能像

if you don't take the elevators

Cary Grant(美国演员)那样不坐电梯

and only take the stairs like Cary Grant.

只爬楼梯 你就能保养得那么好

Take the stairs. Take the stairs.

爬楼梯 爬楼梯

Hey, why are we stopped here?

我们停在这儿做什么?

Uh, what's the matter?

怎么了?

I can't look at engagement rings?

我不能看看订婚戒指吗?

 Engagement rings?  - Yeah, You heard me.

 订婚戒指?  - 是啊 你听到的

Look all you want, but you and I both know that

随你看什么 但是你和我都明白

you're gonna get sick of this hottie

你会厌倦这个正妹

and you're gonna be back on the prowl next week.

然后下周你又会在美女丛中流连忘返

Nope. I'm telling you, is this girl not cute?

听我说 这女孩不可爱吗?

Yeah, she's really cute.

是啊 她确实可爱

Is she not the sweetest?

她不是最迷人的吗?

The nicest person I've ever met.

我遇到过最迷人的

Did you ever see her lips?

你没看到她的嘴唇吗?

I think she has the best lips I've ever seen.

我觉得她有着我见到过的最诱人的嘴唇

They're like an inner tube and I just wanna sit on it.

就像汽车内胎一样柔软 让人有种坐上去的冲动

You know what I mean? And just, like...

你懂我的意思吗? 就像...

Do you want me to knock you out, or...

你想让我把你踢出去 还是...

No, I'm saying you should sit on her lips.

我是说你应该坐在她的香唇上

Anyways...

总之...

you know, this whole situation reminds me of a song.

你知道吗 这一切让我想起了一首歌

# Danny is a big plastic surgeon #

# Danny是个牛X的整形医生 #

# Who never had time for a wife #

# 从来都没时间陪她的内人 #

# And he's friends with Davy who's still in the Navy #

# 他和还在海军服役的Davy是好哥们 #

Piano Man? Why Piano Man?

钢琴家? 怎么想起这首歌?

No, it's "Piano Dan."

我唱的是"钢琴Dan"

That's based on your life. it's a little Eddie remix.

是基于你的生活 加上一点Eddie的改编

Uh-huh.

啊哈

# Eddie used to have an afro and pimples all over his face #

# Eddie曾是爆炸头 脸上全是痘 #

# So he popped and he poked 'em and Clearasil soaked 'em #

# 所以他挤 他扣 他用克丽莱斯粉刺霜洗头 #

# But ladies still greet him with mace #

# 但是女人们 还是用防狼器喷他个混球 #

I was maced one time.

我就被喷过一次

Five times.

好吧是五次

So, guys, we're here to get to know each other better.

大伙 我们来这儿是为了更好地了解对方

 Yes.  - Yeah.

 是啊  -

Dolph, let's start with you.

Dolph 从你开始吧

So, what line of work are you in?

那么 你是做什么的?

Well, Palmer, I am in sheep.

Palmer 我做绵羊生意的

I'm sorry. I don't know what you mean.

抱歉 我不太懂

I am a sheep shipper.

我是个绵羊转销商

Oh. Yes.

懂了

You know, people, they don't buy the sheep

你知道的 人们 现在不再

from the local sheepherder anymore.

直接从乡下牧羊人那买羊了

Really? They don't?

是吗? 不买啦?

No, they don't. They go online!

不直接买 他们上网买!

Yes! They go on the Interweb,

是啊! 他们上互联网

to my website, gotprettysheep.com.

进入我的网站 gotprettysheep(有漂亮的小绵羊哦).com

And leave this, please. Thank you.

麻烦放在这吧 谢谢

Now, people go on. They see the pictures of the sheep,

现在 人们登上去以后 他们浏览绵羊的图片

and they pick the ones they want.

然后挑选他们喜欢的绵羊

You know, it's like, "I want that one."

你知道 比方说 "我要那只"

You know, it's very stylish. You know, it's a stylish one.

它太有型了 知道吗 它真是太有型了

Goes, "Oh, no, I want the shy one who doesn't want to baa."

还有 " 我要那只 不敢咩咩叫的害羞羊"

Or they buy the sassy one,

或者他们喜欢活泼点的

who's like, "Hey, I see you, baa, baa."

那种就是 " 我看见你了 "

So, what do the people do with these sheep?

那人们拿这些羊去干嘛呢?

Whatever they want! You see, sky is the limit.

想干什么都行! 想象无极限

You know, some have them as pets.

有些人把它们当宠物

Some have them as security for the house.

有些人拿来看房子

A lot of the people...

还有很多人...

the new thing is training them

有新玩法 训练它们

to fight each other in the Sheep Fight Club.

让它们在斗羊俱乐部里打架

Sheep Fight Clubs?

斗羊俱乐部?

Yes. All the sheeps, they get together.

是的 所有的羊 聚在一起

They baa, all you hear is, "Baa, baa, baa."

它们咩咩叫 你能听到的就是 " "

And then you see hoof, kick, hoof, kick,

然后你就看到蹄子 蹄子

hoof, kick, baa, baa, baa, baa, baa!

蹄子 !

And then he's out.

然后它被淘汰

And that is how we met. She bought a sheep from me.

我们就是这么认识的 她从我那买了一只羊

Really? Why?

真的吗? 为什么?

Children? Okay, tune out.

孩子们? 好吧 把耳朵堵起来

Okay, 'cause some secrets are coming out, all right? Some adult ones.

好了 因为我要爆些秘密出来了 好吗? 少儿不宜哟

She likes to shave the sheep

她喜欢刮羊身上的毛

for the pelt for the sex, sexuals, yes.

出于生理需要 性需求 是的

She has got a real fetish

她真的对羊毛之类的

for the wool and stuff, you know.

东西有恋物癖 知道吗

We do this thing called "sheepstenein."

我们就做那种"绵羊爱爱"

Danny? Would you come with me, please?

Danny? 能跟我来一下吗?

Yeah. Absolutely.

当然可以

So, we're gonna leave right now.

我们现在要走了

So you guys play that game that we always love to play,

所以你们玩那个 我们一直爱玩的游戏吧

Nobody Talk Game.

木头人 不说话

And start now.

现在开始

- I'm sorry, we're leaving. I can't do it.  - No.

 对不起 我们得走了 我做不到  - 不行

I'm gonna kill that guy. He's lost it.

我要杀了那个家伙 他满口胡言

He was going sheep-crazy, I'll give you that.

别这样 他只是个绵羊控罢了

Where is your hand right now?

你的忍耐度到哪了?

You wanna see where it is?

你想知道它到哪了吗?

It's not even here anymore! It's gone!

早就不在这了! 十万八千里外了!

How about I beat him up?

我去扁他一顿怎么样?

You can beat him up with me. It'll be fun.

你可以跟我一起扁他 那样会很有趣

I don't want to! I have to go.

我不要! 我得走了

- Don't bail on me right now!  - Don't make that face at me.

- 不要现在丢下我一个人好吗!  - 别对我摆那副臭脸

I cannot stand that face.

我受不了那张脸

Katherine?

Katherine?

Katherine Murphy?

Katherine Murphy?

Oh, my God, Devlin Adams.

我的天 Devlin Adams

Devlin? Devlin as in taking a...

Devlin? Devlin不是拉...

Taking? From what I see...

? 在我看来...

it's my favorite college Devlin!

这是我最好的大学同学Devlin!

Both of us here at this resort at the same time.

我们居然同时来到了这个度假胜地

I didn't know you came to places like this.

我不知道你还会来这种地方

Here we go.

得了吧

Honey!

亲爱的!

Honey, I want you to meet someone.

亲爱的 过来见个人

This is one of my best friends from my sorority.

这位是我女生联谊会里最好的朋友

Katherine, this is my husband, Ian Maxtone Jones.

Katherine 这是我的丈夫 Ian Maxtone Jones

Pleasure.

很高兴见到你

You might've heard of him. He invented the iPod.

你一定听说过他 他发明了iPod

Well, of course he did. The iPod.

是他发明的 iPod

The idea just came to me in the shower.

我只是在沐浴的时候突发灵感

A shower that I was taking with Devlin.

Devlin一起沐浴的时候

So, this is a cabana you guys got yourselves here, huh?

那么 这帐篷屋是你们自己搭的 ?

Because my skin is so white. I don't like to get it burned.

我的皮肤太白了 我可不想被晒伤

Even at night?

晚上也会被晒伤?

Well, in Hawaii, you never know with the sun.

在夏威夷 你不了解这的阳光

Very, very strong.

非常非常烈的

So you mean like a moonburn or...

你是说防月晒 还是...

 You look fantastic.  - Oh...

 你看起来好极了  - ...

You look great.

真美

I'm so glad you got your teeth fixed. Much better.

真高兴你整了牙 现在好多了

You are just the same glorious Devlin that I remember.

你还是那个我记忆中魅力四射的Devlin

Oh, my God, I ran into Sandra Wernick last month.

我的天 我上个月偶然碰到Sandra Wernick

The poor thing. She's already divorced and she has a child.

可怜的家伙 她离婚了还带着个孩子

She's a single mother. It's a disaster.

她是个单身妈妈 真是太惨了

I feel so bad for her.

真是为她感到不幸

Are you married?

你结婚了吗?

Mmm-hmm. Yes.

嗯哼 是的

Oh! I've neglected to introduce you to Danny,

! 我都忘了给你们介绍Danny

Daniel Leroy Maccabee III, my husband.

Daniel Leroy Maccabee三世 我的丈夫

Yes. If you want me to stay,

是啊 如果你想让我留下

will you just go with it, honey?

就接着演 好吗?

Come here and please meet Devlin and Ian.

请过来见见DevlinIan

 Hey.  - This is Daniel.

   - 这是Daniel

IPod, what's up? How are you?

IPod 是吗? 你好吗?

I'm fine.

我很好

 Invented it.  - Pleasure. I heard.

 是他发明的  - 见到你很高兴 我听说了

Devlin, I think I spoke about you with my wife

Devlin我想我和我的妻子

in the bathroom one or two times, right?

在浴室里谈到过你一两次 对吗?

We did.

是啊

Number two.

两次

We did it twice, yes.

我们谈过两次

So, chief, tell me, what do you do for a living?

好吧 告诉我 你是做什么的吧?

I'm also an inventor, just like you.

我和你一样 也是个发明家

I invented the barking hand.

我发明了狗叫手

I got you. But you're sunburned?

我懂的 你被晒伤了?

 No.  - What?

   - 什么?

You are a surgeon.

你是个外科医生

He's a plastic surgeon, and he's one of the best

他是个整形医生 他是洛杉矶杂志评选出的

according to Los Angeles Magazine.

最好的整形医生之一

Touchdown!

真棒啊!

Yes. Well, that, yeah.

是啊

Touched it down.

非常棒

We gotta go back. We have to run. It was great to see you.

我们得回去了 来不及了 见到你们很开心

We have to get back to our kids. So...

我们得回到孩子们那去 所以...

You have kids?

你们有孩子了?

Mmm-hmm. Yeah, two, actually.

嗯哼 是啊 有两个 事实上

We couldn't wait to start creating lives.

我们迫不及待地创造生命

And by the way, I created these children

而且 我是在沐浴的时候

in the shower. Right?

创造的这些孩子 对吗?

- You did.  - You know what I'm saying, homeboy?

 是啊  - 你知道我在说什么吧 帅哥?

That is funny.

这可真有意思

Wow, you've been together a long time.

你们在一起很久了啊

Am I gonna leave this girl? Look at her.

我会离开这个女孩吗? 看看她

Still gets the flag up the pole,

还是风韵犹存哦

if you know what I mean.

你懂我在说什么吧

Bing-bang. An iRod, I should say.

来击个拳 大概要建个iRod(个人网站)来记录下

Oh. Come on, hit that. Why'd you leave me hanging so long?

快点 击一个 为什么让我伸那么久?

That's so silly.

那太可笑了

The four of us should get together

我们四个应该改天聚一聚

and have dinner one night.

一起吃个晚饭

Oh! That would be almost like a dream of mine.

! 那简直就是我梦寐以求的

If we could ever get ourselves out of the bedroom.

如果我们能 不那么成天黏在床上的话

Katherine Murphy, look at you!

Katherine Murphy 瞧你说的!

Oh, no, not Murphy anymore. Leroy Maccabee.

别再叫我Murphy 叫我Leroy Maccabee

That's right.

说得对

The third. Anyway, so it was great to see you and meet you, Ian.

三世 总之 见到你们很高兴 Ian

The big E. Love the Shuffle, by the way.

顺便一提 我很喜欢Shuffle(苹果播放器)

- Good to meet you. Bye!  - Thanks. You, too!

- 见到你们很高兴 再见!  - 谢谢 我们也是!

What are you talking about? She was nice.

你在说什么? 她人很好啊

- I'm gonna kill you.  - Come on. You need me, though, right?

 我会杀了你的  - 别这样 你还需要我 对吧?

I don't believe that just happened.

真不敢相信这一切

I like that you need me. How's that make you feel?

我喜欢你需要我的感觉 你感觉怎么样?

Please, it feels like a oar door just slowly shut on my soul.

拜托 我感觉我的灵魂被门挤了

 Come here!Listen.  - What?

 转过来!听着  - 干吗?

Do you know how I feel right now?

你知道我现在什么感觉吗?

You were getting me so upset,

你把我弄得心烦意乱

bringing me into that web of lies.

又拿我来撒一堆谎

My hand's right here right now.

我的忍耐度已经到这了

Oh, my hand's right there.

我的忍耐度到这了

You know what? I hate you right now.

你知道吗? 我现在真恨你

I've gotta write out a bunch of index cards

我已经准备写一叠备忘小卡片

just to keep up with these lies.

提醒自己撒过的谎了

Yeah, and you're gonna make me copies, too. And one more thing.

好啊 麻烦你帮我也搞一份 还有件事

Oh, my God, why are we leaving the hotel right now?

我的天 干吗现在就离开酒店啊?

Why did you wake me up?

干吗叫醒我?

Because, Grandpa,

因为 老爷爷

I signed us up for the all-day adventure tour.

我已经订好了我们一天的冒险之旅

We're gonna go hiking in the rainforest, and kayaking down rivers

我们要在热带雨林徒步旅行 要玩皮划艇

and swimming under waterfalls.

还要在瀑布下面游泳

Swimming. I hope you mean skinny-dipping.

游泳 我希望你说的是裸泳

I'm gonna suggest swimming.

我想还是游泳比较好

I, however, am fine with some man nudity, Danny.

还是可以接受男人裸体的 Danny

Okay, so Swiss Family nightmare is coming with us.

好吧 看来噩梦之家也要同行

That's so we can bond?

就是说我们可以一起吗?

Oh, that'll be great!

那太好了!

It's bloody breathtaking out here!

这儿真是令人叹为观止啊!

Is this where the blue Avatar people live?

这就是蓝色的阿凡达人住的地方吗?

Yeah, the blue Avatar people and I think that black pig.

是啊 有蓝色的阿凡达人 我想还有那只黑猪

 Where?  - the pig.

 在哪?  - 小猪猪

Look, how cute. Looks like Babe.

看呐 多可爱 就像个小孩似的

Oh, my God! Go, Go!

我的天! 快跑!

Come on, go, go!

快点 快跑!

The pig is eating my body!

这只猪在啃我的身体!

Keep your eyes on the river, sweetheart.

朝着河看 亲爱的

Yes. I was looking at the canyon.

好的 我刚刚在看小峡谷

Hey, what're you guys doing?

你们这群家伙在干吗?

That bridge can only handle one person at a time!

那座桥一次只能过一个人!

Go, go, go!

快走 快走!

What'd he say? What'd you say?

他说什么? 你刚说什么?

Holy Devlin! Ow!

真他妈的糟糕! !

Come on, let's go.

快点 跟上

Piggyback times are magical times, aren't they?

被人背着感觉真奇妙 不是吗?

Yeah, aren't they? You're warping my spine now.

是啊 可不是吗? 我的脊椎都要断了

I think Kiki slipped.

Kiki好像滑倒了

Oh, Father, I just love spending time with you!

老爸 我真是太喜欢和你在一起了!

Oh, my God!

我的天!

You guys, look at this!

大伙儿 瞧瞧这个!

- Oh, my God!  - It's lovely!

- 我的天!  - 真是太美了!

Wow! That is unbelievable.

! 真是难以置信啊

I don't know about you guys, but I am gonna go cool off.

你们随意吧 我先去冲个凉了

Really? There could be black pigs in there.

真的吗? 那里可能有黑猪哦

I agree.

我同意

Look at that. That's terrific.

瞧瞧 身材真不错

Does the hotel know you took those pillows, honey?

酒店知道你把两个小枕头带出来了吗 亲爱的?

She really wears that bikini well.

她穿比基尼真的很好看

Yeah.

是啊

You know what she'd wear well? Dental floss and a pirate hat.

你知道她还穿什么好看吗? 牙线和海盗帽

 

 

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